Look At This Weird-Ass Poster For Colin Trevorrow’s BOOK OF HENRY

Yo, is that a mannequin boy?

Help me out here, guys.

I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on in this Book Of Henry poster.

Here is my my actual internal monologue upon seeing this poster:

"Yo, why does the kid on the left look computer-generated, though? Is this movie - the latest from Colin Trevorrow - an all-CGI joint, a la The Polar Express? Is that a mannequin boy? Why are both of these kids beige? Are they vampires? Is this a movie about vampire mannequin-boys? Let's be real: I'd probably see a movie about vampire mannequin-boys. Why does one of them have a plunger? Side-bar: do vampires - be they mannequin-boy vampires or garden-variety vampires - use toilets? They don't eat food, so presumably not. What the hell is on that kid's head? Is that an old-timey football helmet? Is this a movie about vampire mannequin-boys who play football and fix toilets, from the director of Jurassic World?"

I had these questions and many others while looking upon the poster for Book Of Henry. Then I remembered this poster was attached to a press release, and that reading the plot synopsis would probably answer all of my burning questions. Let's see what that says.

"The story of a single mother raising two boys, one of whom is a genius."

Alright, so we're right back to square one: one of these boys, we have been informed, is a genius. What about the other one? Is he a mannequin? CGI? A bloodsucker? Why play coy about the other boy? What's his deal?

Y'know what, fuck this, I'm taking this investigation to Wikipedia.

The story concerns a precocious boy, Henry, and his younger brother, Peter, being raised by their single mother, Susan. Henry has a crush on their neighbor Christina, the daughter of the Police Commissioner. To protect Christina from harm at the hands of her father, Henry comes up with a plan to rescue her that he writes down in a book. Henry's mother discovers the book and decides that she and Peter will put Henry's scheme into motion.

Oh. I see.

Well, that's ... look, I'll be frank: that's far less interesting than my vampire mannequin-boy pitch, and that's kind of all I want now? Is it too late to go back and make this movie be about vampire mannequin-boys with a taste for sports and the custodial arts? This movie doesn't come out for six months. Surely they have time to turn this thing around by then. Hey, Focus Features, if you need any help with this, you know where to find me. 

Book Of Henry arrives on June 16th, 2017 and will probably contain zero vampire mannequin-boys. Bullshit.

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