Alright, you asked for it, and here it is: an Alien: Covenant spoiler thread.
Whether you've already seen Alien: Covenant or you just like ruining good movies for yourself (and in case you hadn't heard, Alien: Covenant is absolutely a good movie), this is your officially-sanctioned spot to do so on Birth.Movies.Death. for the foreseeable future.
I'm going to let you guys do most of the heavy lifting in the comments below - you're a crafty, spirited bunch, and it's clear you want to the chance to hash this thing out for yourselves - but here's a few thoughts I'd like to express before turning the floor over to you. Be aware that the next few paragraphs will be spoilery, as the title of this post implies.
WHY DID YOU EVEN COME IN HERE IF YOU DIDN'T WANT SPOILERS
IT'S SELF DESTRUCTIVE
OKAY, LAST CHANCE
HERE WE GO
For starters: my biggest gripe with Alien: Covenant is that it squanders a great opportunity for a very effective twist ending. In the film, David and Walter (Fassbender²) get into a brutal fistfight inside the Engineer Necropolis, and for a minute it looks like Walter's gonna win. Then we see David reach for a knife, and the next time we see "Walter", he's looking...very conspicuous. The camera lingers on his face just a beat too long, he gets back onboard the Covenant and exhibits no chill whatsoever, and the next thing you know he's revealing to Daniels (Katherine Waterston) that he was actually David all along!
Imagine if this'd been played straight. Imagine if we really did think Walter killed David, and got back to the ship, and everything was hunky-dory...and then we found out Walter was actually David. Imagine what a gut-punch that would've been in the film's final moments, rather than the telegraphed ending we got. I loved everything about Covenant's final act except for the way this reveal was handled, and it's something I expect to spend a fair amount of time warming up to in the years ahead. Again: felt like a squandered opportunity to me.
Secondly: the rest of the Birth.Movies.Death. crew and I had some questions about where that second xenomorph came from at the end of the film. We see Daniels crush the one that came out of Oram, inside the crane on top of the Covenant's landing ship, but minutes later there's a second one inside the Covenant, interrupting a lil' shower-based nookie. My associates and I could not agree on where this second xenormorph had come from, and so I did a little digging to get an official answer: turns out, it came from Lope (Demian Bechir). Yes, it didn't look like the facehugger inside the Necropolis had been successful in its attempt to impregnate Lope, but it was. If you were confused about that - and maybe you weren't; we're all a little slow around these parts - there's your official answer.
There is much, much more to discuss, but I will leave it to you folks in the comments below. Run buckwild, people! Tell us where you think the story's going next! Tell us what you thought about that hot robot-on-robot action! Tell us what you thought of the Neomorph, about James Franco's inexplicable cameo, about the moment where David and a little baby Xenomorph stretch their arms to the heavens together, about the fact that Danny fucking McBride survived an Alien movie (or did he?)! We wanna hear it all, and we want you to have a space to talk about it.
So get to it. And have a great weekend.