Things Come To A Climax In The First FIFTY SHADES FREED Trailer

The first trailer for Fifty Shades Freed, the final chapter in Universal's second-sexiest franchise (Jaws is still holding onto that #1 spot), just landed. It's filled with beautiful, wooden people doing sexy, dangerous things to one another in the Pacific Northwest. 

Look upon it now.

Yup, that looks like another Fifty Shades movie, alright.

If you've not been keeping up with the goings-on in this particular franchise, here's a handy-dandy plot synopsis to wet your whistle (please stop giggling):

"Dark events surround billionaire Christian Grey and his new wife Anastasia."

Wait, that's it? That's the official plot synopsis? Let's dig deeper. Computer, take me to Fifty Shades Freed (Novel)'s Wikipedia page for further details:

"After accepting entrepreneur CEO Christian Grey's proposal in Fifty Shades Darker, Anastasia Steele must adjust not only to married life but to her new husband's wealthy lifestyle and controlling nature."

That's still not telling us much, but y'know what? Maybe we don't need that much information. The Fifty Shades series is about boning and melodrama and jet-skis and lots of big trees. There'll be sex scenes that don't go nearly as far as they should, some deception, and probably some people will learn a lesson along the way about trust and boundaries or something. It's either your kind of trash or it isn't, and it'll be in theaters just in time for Valentine's Day.

You folks keeping up with this series or nah? Sound off below.