Have you ever wondered what Scooby-Doo would look like if it was just Daphne and Velma? Or how that pair of young sleuths got along prior to joining the Mystery, Inc. gang?
*Extreme Javier Bardem Voice*: "Nor have I."
But guess what? Nobody cares what you or I think when there's potential dollars on that table. Now, Daphne and Velma are getting their own origin story in a live-action feature (titled, you guessed it, Daphne and Velma) from Jennifer and Ashley Tisdale’s production company Blondie Girl. The synopsis reads:
“Daphne and Velma tells the story of Daphne Blake and Velma Dinkley before they team up with Scooby and the rest of the Mystery Inc. gang. The mystery-solving teens are best friends but have only met online — until Daphne transfers to Velma’s school, Ridge Valley High, stocked with high-tech gadgetry by the school’s benefactor, tech billionaire Tobias Bloom. While their peers vie for a coveted internship at Bloom’s company, Daphne and Velma try to uncover the reason why the school’s brightest students are disappearing — only to emerge again in a zombie-fied state.”
Whatever. One suspects that the Tisdales may go the Riverdale route and make this Hot Daphne and Velma Who Fuck (igniting the libidos of thirty-seven-year-old perverts everywhere). No word on whether Fred, Scooby, or Shaggy will appear at all (or also fuck, for that matter), nor is there a distribution plan disclosed as of yet.
Sarah Jeffery (Shades of Blue) and Sarah Gilman (Last Man Standing) are set to star in the title roles as Daphne and Velma, respectively. Suzi Yoonessi (Olive and Mocha: First Kiss) is directing, from a script by Kyle Mack and Caitlin Meares. I don't know who any of these people are, so thank God for Google. Sure to be be embraced as "smart and subversive" out the gate by some, I look forward to eventually watching the movie five years from now, on Netflix, when I can't be bothered to scroll any longer.