Confirmed: Who Noah Segan Is Playing In STAR WARS

(And who some other folks play, too.)

Everybody who's anybody wants in on Star Wars. Any time you see an alien or a stormtrooper in these new movies, it seems, the chances are decent there's a movie star or other prominent filmmaker behind the mask. The Force Awakens, for example, featured both Simon Pegg and Daniel Craig beneath layers of makeup, CGI, and armour. 

The Last Jedi is not without its share of cameos, either, which have now all (?) been revealed, thanks to Vanity Fair. Though Tom Hardy, Gary Barlow, and Princes Harry and William's much-ballyhooed stormtrooper roles were cut from the film, a few other notable faces show up (or don't). Joseph Gordon-Levitt, for example, plays Southern-accented parking-Nazi alien Slowen Lo on Canto Bight, while Mark Hamill voices a second character in the form of Dobbu Scay, the drunk, monocled casino patron who fills BB-8 with coins. Meanwhile, directors Edgar Wright, Gareth Edwards, and Joe Cornish all had cameos as Resistance fighters, alongside Wright's brother Oscar and longtime associate Leo Thompson. There’s more of that over at Vanity Fair.

The most important cameo of all, of course, is that of BMD's own Noah Segan - bursting into his fourth Rian Johnson feature as plucky Resistance pilot Stomeroni Starck, just long enough to get a close-up before getting blown up. Noah's private backstory for the character, revealed exclusively to BMD, is that “Poe and Stoe are going to open up a pizza parlor when this whole war is over.” He insists the pilot pair's pizza parlor partnership could still play out, because, quote, “BRUH DID U SEE A BODY," further claiming that Stomeroni Starck "Lives 2 Fuck."

Segan did, however, stress that this information was not to be considered canon, so we went to a more official source. Lucasfilm canon-keeper Pablo Hidalgo had this to offer:

There it is: confirmation that Stomeroni Starck fucks, or at least generates some mean mutual space-thirst. This concludes nearly two years of speculation and guesswork, and the results speak for themselves. We're all very proud of our son here at BMD, and look forward to the inevitable expansion of Starck's backstory in years to come. #StomeroniLives