Here’s What Tommy Wiseau Would’ve Said At The Golden Globes

Had Franco given him the mic, that is.

If my Twitter feed was any indication, last night's Golden Globes simultaneously elated/pissed off nearly everyone on the planet, thus ultimately completing the binary goal of every awards show by arbitrarily pitting pieces of art against one another like some mindless sporting event. The horses ran the race, people ogled finely-dressed celebrities getting drunk, and some nice things were said about movies and TV. Oprah also won her bid for President in 2020, I think. Gotta check the notes. 

But in-between all the anger at Three Billboards winning Best Drama, Timothée Chalamet marveling at the Real Tonya Harding, and Natalie Portman getting buck wild and yelling at the HFPA for only nominating male directors for that field's top prize, The Room's Tommy Wiseau was there, just generally being Tommy Wiseau. Of course, he was supporting James Franco's The Disaster Artist - the multiple GG nominee that chronicled the making of Wiseau's "best worst movie" - for which Franco won the Best Actor (Comedy or Musical) trophy for portraying the jet black-haired, ambiguously-accented outsider from nowhere.

However, when Franco came to the stage to accept the award, Tommy came with him, and lunged for the microphone at one point. Franco calmly brushed him away (a moment that was another uncut Rage Key Bump for social media), completed his acceptance speech, and they left the stage.

But what did Tommy want to say? Well, now we've got the answer. Speaking with the LA Times, Wiseau delivered his three line speech:

“If a lot of people loved each other, the world would be a better place to live. See The Room, have fun, and enjoy life. The American Dream is alive, and it’s real.”

Damn Franco, just let Wiseau live that Dream. How many other times is he gonna get on the Golden Globes stage? *Snorts From Rage Key Bump Bullet. Publishes Post*