This morning, I awoke to a barrage of PR emails about Sony's Escape Room, a forthcoming thriller with the following plot synopsis:
"Escape Room is a psychological thriller about six strangers who find themselves in circumstances beyond their control and must use their wits to find the clues or die."
Look, here's a thing about this job: whenever your inbox contains several emails pushing one movie you've never heard of within the space of, say, an hour - that's usually an indication that someone's trying too hard. It happens all the time. In between that and the inexplicably funny plot synopsis, I'd sorta decided not to bother learning more about Escape Room...up to and including watching the trailer.
Then I actually watched the trailer, because I am weak.
I presented this trailer to the rest of the Birth.Movies.Death. staff and asked if I was nuts for thinking this movie looks fun, at which time I was told that, yes, I am nuts. My co-workers mocked me and said very hurtful things and did their best to dissuade me from being interested in Escape Room, the movie where six strangers must use their wits to find the clues or die, but their efforts were in vain: I will see the everloving shit out of this movie, and no one can stop me.
Maybe it's the knockoff Cabin In The Woods vibes. Maybe it's the knockoff Cube vibes in that sequence involving an entire room turning into an oven. Maybe it's the knockoff House on Haunted Hill vibes I felt while watching all six of these strangers (who, as a reminder, will be forced to use their wits to find the clues or die) receive invitations to the world's deadliest escape room, the successful completion of which will earn one of them $1,000,000. Maybe it's the overproduced sheen of the whole thing, the way everything looks far too shiny for its own good. I don't know what it is (it's certainly not originality!), but I am absolutely going to see this trash. You're either with me or you're not, makes no difference.
Escape Room hits theaters on January 4th, 2019. You coming with or what?