Fowl Play: Here’s The First Trailer For Disney’s ARTEMIS FOWL

Step aside, Mr. Potter.

Kenneth Branagh doesn't sleep. He just waits for the next franchise he can launch. 

So goes the first trailer for Artemis Fowl, an adaptation of the children's fantasy series by Irish author Eoin Colfer, which follows the titular youthful anti-hero as he (*checks notes*) uncovers the magical world of fairies and decides to kidnap one of their police officers for ransom while he searches for his missing father. Huh.

Total unknown Ferdia Shaw steps into a tiny men in black suit as the lead, Judi Dench plays Elven cop Commander Root (in a gender-swapped role), Lara McDonnell is the abducted party, and Josh Gad plays (*checks notes again*) a kleptomaniac dwarf named Mulch Diggums. Okay, then.

Here's the teaser:

Directed by Branagh, it's pretty clear which market this is going after: the post-Harry Potter YA cross-section that both the Fantastic Beasts spin-off and Disney's own Wrinkle In Time couldn't totally enchant. Will Artemis Fowl be the next big victor on that scene? I don't know. This all seems a bit above my pay grade, so I'll let y'all decide. Are you excited for this latest stab at a silver screen fantasy franchise? 

We still got a little bit of a wait ahead of us, as Artemis Fowl doesn't hit theaters until August 9th, 2019. Until then, maybe one of you can give me a tutorial on what sort of crimes elf cops patrol (or I could finally try watching Bright to find the answer).