This post contains spoilers for Legends of Tomorrow.
Check out last week's review here.
Zari cat, Zari cat, what have they been feeding you? Zari cat, Zari cat, it’s not your fault that John and Charlie are both wankers. Quick recap of last week: John went back in time to stop Dez from loving him so he wouldn’t have to send him to hell. Charlie helped because she wanted her powers back. The two running off and ignoring the rules shattered time and gave us all of the delicious absurdity we could have asked for in a Legends of Tomorrow episode. Because it’s Legends, it’s still annoyingly touching at the same time.
While John and Charlie try to undo their mess, they create three timelines, with said timelines acting as their own shows. We kick things off with the Custodians of Chronology. The Custodians consist of the male members of the Legends, all of whom now a special kind of barbaric. Well, except for Mick. Mick’s just himself. After losing Sara to the unicorn, the guys get all murdery, and Ava locks herself in her office and listens to sad music.
Reboot number two takes us to The Sirens of Space Time. RIP Nate, Mick, and Ray. The Sirens all report to Commander Heywood Charlie’s Angels style, and then go about their mission to find their magical creature. Minor detail: The Sirens of Space Time are just as stabby as the Custodians of Chronology. Charlie can’t seem to sort out why that is at the midpoint “Legends of To-Meow-Meow”, but give her time.
The third and final time reset takes us to Puppets of Tomorrow. What the Fraggle Rock is going on here, you wonder? Constantine wondered the same. The Puppets of Tomorrow like to sing, they like to count and, strangely, still want to murder all of the magical creatures. Apparently there’s no self-awareness in the Puppets of Tomorrow. Meanwhile, The Custodians of Chronology are out here on their own level, breaking crossover level fourth walls.
Eventually, Charlie and Constantine finally manage to get it so no one’s died in the reality they’ve created. Unfortunately, that doesn’t matter. John’s brain is now fractured into fifty different realities, and the timeline they’ve created is still damaged. With the help of Zari, John finally accepts what he must do, and returns to New Orleans to fix the whole Dez situation. Charlie isn’t so ready to give up without a fight. But that changes once she realizes that all the iterations of the Legends are murderers because they never had her to show them that magical creatures can be good.
The timeline’s restored, everyone’s alive (except for Dez) and Constantine comes clean about the situation to Sara. He even accepts her offer to help with his little demon situation! He does warn her that the demon wants to hurt them in the most devastating of ways, which serves as a convenient lead-in to the reveal that the demon is both working with Commander Heywood and frolicking about with Dez’s face.
Constantine learns that he’s worth saving, Charlie starts to feel like a part of the team, and everything’s all hunky dory going into the midseason break. It’s all wrapped in a nice little bow, save one thing: what is going on with Mona? These buttheads really aren’t going to tell us if she’s ok before we wait months for the show’s return? Rudeness.
And with that, Legends of Tomorrow bids us all adieu for the holidays. Be kind like Ray, tough like Sara, confident like Nate, creative like Mick, logical like Ava, level-headed like Zari, resourceful like Charlie, nurturing like Mona, and maybe drink a little less than Constantine. Take some time for snickerdoodles and romance novels while you wait for these dummies to grace our television screens again in 2019.
You know what to do if you had thoughts on the episode!