Contest: Design The Next Wildly Disturbing SONIC THE HEDGEHOG Poster

We think you folks are gonna crush this one.

WARNING: Go ahead and assume the comments on this post are NSFW.

Earlier this week, Paramount revealed the first poster for next year's Sonic The Hedgehog

Here it is, in case you missed it:

As you might expect, the internet did not respond warmly to Sonic's rippling thighs, his disconcertingly human arms, or his (apparently) beady eyes. What felt like a worldwide dunkathon ensued, with people crawling out of the woodwork to take an admittedly well-deserved shot at this most unfortunate one-sheet. 

That was fun for an afternoon or so, but we also figured that'd be the end of it.

Turns out, we were wrong.

A few days later, this image made the rounds (we saw it via Twitter user Wario64). If anything, this Sonic The Hedgehog poster (which may or may not be entirely official; it looks legit, but as far as we know the studio hasn't commented on its legitimacy) was even more troubling. Oddly sexual, even.

Once again, the internet came together to roast the latest bit of Sonic The Hedgehog marketing.

That was two days ago. Paramount has not released another disturbing Sonic poster in the time since. Funny thing is, we're kind of jonesing for a third one? It seems unlikely they'll drop another any time soon (surely this film's marketing team has been sent straight back to the drawing board), so we figured: why not get the Birth.Movies.Death. readership to design the next one? You've certainly proven yourselves capable in this arena in the past, and this one feels like it'd be right up your alley.

So, we're going to have a contest. Here are the rules:

  • Design the next wildly disturbing Sonic The Hedgehog poster.
  • No graphic nudity, please. Let's keep this somewhat profesh.
  • Post your entries in the comments below. 
  • You may enter only twice. Entering more than twice disqualifies you.
  • The BMD staff will choose three winners on Monday, Dec. 17th, at 6PM.
  • All three winning submissions will appear in their own post on Dec. 18th.
  • Winners get the next issue of BMD Magazine on me. Trust me, you'll want it.

Beyond the above? We don't care what you do! "Wildly disturbing" is a pretty wide playing field, and we're curious to see what you think qualifies (again: please, god, no graphic nudity).

As for the execution - we don't care about that, either! Draw it, Photoshop it, carve it into the face of a gnarled tree in your uncle's backyard. It really doesn't matter, so long as you accomplish your primary mission, which is to disturb us. Oh, and feel free to upvote the ones you really like, for visibility. 

Everyone onboard? Good. We'll be keeping an eye on things between now and Monday evening when we pick the winners. Until then, good luck, and do your worst!

FINAL WARNING: The comments below are almost certainly NSFW, possibly not fit for human consumption.