Regular-Toothed Rami Malek Is Likely Your Next Bond Villain (Also Billy Magnussen, Why Not?)

This is what an Oscar win’ll get you.

Hello! I am neither Phil nor Jof. As such, I have no authority to talk at you about James Bond movies. But guess what, I’m doing it anyway!

According to Collider, whatever the next Bond film is called (some think it’ll be called Shatterhand, which sucks if you ask me because it means Bond can’t even punch right), it may already have its villain. They claim Freddy Mercury impersonator Rami Malek is in final negotiations to play the role.

Again, I am not qualified to talk to you about this. Nevertheless, I have some thoughts. One, regardless of the actual age of the actors playing Daniel Craig’s Bond villains thus far, Rami Malek will be the first one to seem young. I suppose I’m sort of interested in that. Two, I also imagine Bond will strike his villain at some point (even if it breaks his poor shatter hand) and after sitting through Bohemian Rhapsody and its wanton disrespect toward “I’m in Love with My Car” I don’t mind watching that happen to one of its stars. Three, it’s a bummer Malek has already played the tooth card as he clearly knows how to let them play a character for him and a lot of the great Bond villains come equipped with interesting physical features like that. There is a rumor the character would be blind, however, and so long as he plays a blind guy who refuses to wear dark glasses, I do think that could be the next evolution of Rami Malek acting.

I am not qualified to tell you this, but things are going to start happening quickly in the Bond world. So get ready. I don’t know anything about Bond, but since this is Craig’s last go in the role, let’s all hope he goes out on a higher note than Spectre which, and please disregard my ignorance on this, sucked.

(two minutes pass)

Oh shit. Looks like we're not done with Bond news yet. According to Variety, Billy Magnussen is probably going to be in this too. They claim he will play a CIA agent who helps Bond, not unlike Felix Leiter (though over at Variety, they don't seem to know Felix Leiter's name, not like real Bond fans such as me, Phil and Jof). For those unfamiliar with Billy Magnussen, he looks like this:

I don't find Billy Magnussen likable at all, which is my way of calling it right now that he will be a secret shithead bad guy. Again, I have no qualifications on Bond matters. Just calling it like I see it. I promise we'll get a real pro in here soon.