I NEED EVERYONE TO SHUT THEIR LIPS AND LISTEN TO ME:
Glenn Danzig, frontman of noted heavy metal band Danzig, has apparently written the screenplay for his very own "vampire Spaghetti-Western", and intends to direct said screenplay himself. I know this information is a lot, so we're going to pause now for as much time as is necessary while everyone gets themselves under control and absorbs what we've all just learned.
(seven hours pass)
“The long awaited 'DANZIG Sings ELVIS' covers record has now been scheduled for a Fall release. We will post the cover & tracks in the coming weeks. Mr. DANZIG has also just put the finishing touches on the script for his next film which will be a vampire Spaghetti-Western & DANZIG will direct. Casting will begin shortly… Busy year for the Man!!”
Can you imagine? A vampire spaghetti-western, written and directed by Glenn Danzig, the prince of darkness himself? We're talking excessive candelabras. Skulls. Old west bordellos positively drowning in crushed red velvet drapes. We're talking cowboys dressed entirely in black leather and extra small black t-shirts, roaming the prairie with six-shooters in one hand and a stake in the other. There will also probably be demons of the badass variety. The mind reels.
Of course, there's nothing further to go on at this time. We don't know how Glenn Danzig intends to fund this movie, or who might star in it. We don't know which studio might want to distribute it. We don't even know what it's called (I'm guessing it's something like Serpents of Fire or Demon Gulch or Skull Town). All we know is that we want very, very much for Glenn Danzig to make this movie, and we're prepared to do whatever it takes to make that happen. Kickstarter? We'll promote it. Petition? We'll sign it. Glenn Danzig wants someone to disappear? We'll take care of it. Just, please, God, let Glenn Danzig direct a vampire spaghetti-western.
We'll be keeping our ear to the ground for updates on this one. Until then, here's an important message from Glenn Danzig, straight from the Glenn Danzig Library:
Sound off in the comments below, should you have anything to add.