The New SONIC THE HEDGEHOG Trailer: Same Tripe, Different Packaging

The character looks better, but nothing else does.

I can't believe we're already doing this again. I had known this day would come, but I never imagined it would be this soon. For those who haven't been following: a few months ago, Paramount debuted a trailer for their Sonic the Hedgehog movie, which was universally (and hilariously) derided. Fans and critics pointed out the uninspired premise, hackneyed humor, and overall bland presentation, but what really got the Meme Industrial Complex churning was Sonic's uncanny character design. So that's what the studio hyperfocused on, and decided to change in a desperate bid to appease us Internet miscreants.

So here we are again with a new Sonic the Hedgehog trailer, one which features the much-anticipated redesign. Press play to find out if you've been appeased or not:

So there you have it: a Sonic with skinnier arms and legs and bigger eyes. He still exists in a movie that thinks a mustachioed Jim Carrey having a dance party is the pinnacle of comedy in the year of our lord 2019, but whatever. An improvement is an improvement, no matter how small.

Honestly, there's no possible character design that's going to make me catch this movie--I'm just not the target audience--but I do want to suggest that the character design alone shouldn't dictate whether anyone sees this movie. This is still a film that was made expressly to exploit a well-known IP and there's no other reason it exists. This trailer features a Sonic whose eyes can emote, sure, but it doesn't feature a story. Going back to the drawing board may have been a brilliant marketing tactic on the part of Paramount (as they were able to convert all that free meme promotion into genuine goodwill with the fans) but let's not get carried away convincing ourselves that this movie will be anything but completely forgettable.

Sonic the Hedgehog comes out February 14, 2020, along will a million Sonic/Valentine's day/furry jokes.