The FAST & FURIOUS 9 Trailer Will Make Your Skull Explode And Then You Will Watch It Again

This one has something for everyone.

Following an incredibly long and at times unspeakably awkward livestream/trailer drop event in Miami, Universal has unleashed the very first full trailer for Justin Lin's F9 (the movie formerly known as Fast & Furious 9), and I'm delighted to report that the bonkers imagery it contains - to say nothing of the twists it adds to the already-twisty Fast & Furious mythology - made it all worth the wait. 

I mean, just look at this.

Listen, I will cop to being a casual fan of this franchise. I've liked more of the entries than I've disliked, but I'm not nearly as dedicated to it as some of my colleagues are. That said, this trailer lit me up like a pinball table: Charlize Theron flying a magnetic jet (and picking up cars with it)! Luda driving a rocket-powered Ford Fiero! A car driving over a collapsing, Indiana Jones-style rope bridge! Vin Diesel purposefully driving off a cliff, catching the undercarriage of his ride on an extremely long cable, and then using the forward momentum of the car to swing across the expanse below! John Cena playing Vin Diesel's brother! Han back, somehow! That final tagline at the end! It's an embarrassment of riches, and I can hardly believe it's real. Maybe I do love this big, stupid franchise.

Y'all go ahead and talk this one out in the comments below. If anyone needs me, I'll be watching the trailer above on repeat between now and F9's May 22nd arrival in theaters.