Dispatches From The Death Of Cinema: ZOOKEEPER Trailer

Where to start?

Obviously everything in the trailer for Zookeeper is incredibly bad, which obviously means it’ll be a big hit. But even for bad movies starring horrible untalents like Kevin James, the Zookeeper trailer is especially shitty. And it doesn’t even feature a fart joke (although you know there’s going to be one in the film). Also, this is the kind of movie where the awful ‘lesson’ at the end is telegraphed from the beginning of the trailer - James will realize that he’s a hugely obese ugly person and is lucky to be with ANYBODY. Oh, wait - he’ll learn that Leslie Bibb’s character is really shallow and a cunt, and he’ll end up with Rosario Dawson, who loves him for what’s inside of him (which appears to be a case of Ben & Jerrys).

The most troubling part of this trailer? A two way tie - the fact that it’s a commercial for TGI Fridays (which I guess, whatever - if you go to TGI Fridays you deserve movies like Zookeeper. In fact, this movie is probably too art for the TGI Fridays crowd. This is more of a Chili’s film) is tied with the weirdly racist thing of having the ape jam out to hip hop.