Horrible 16 Bit A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD Game Perfectly Recaptures The Asinine Film

If this weren't a playable commercial for the home video version of A Good Day To Die Hard, I would swear it was a clever and apt satirical joke. In fact, I'm still having a hard time this wasn't made with malice in mind.

A Good Day To Die Hard the game tasks you with playing not as John McClane, but his son, Jane McClane. Your goal is to walk from left to right collecting uranium or something (gold coins), and health (red hearts) while not getting killed. The bad guys don't shoot you or anything. You just lose health of you get close to them. You also don't kill them, but rather put them to sleep. Perfect.

While all this is going on, you're smothered not only in a reeeeaally slow chiptune version of "Ode to Joy" but random catchphrase soundbites from the film. And also other Die Hard films. Meanwhile a series of character icons cycle in the upper left corner of your screen with even more catchphrases. For reasons I can't quite put my finger on, all this catchphrase celebration for catchphrases that weren't all that great to begin with reminds me of this (jump to the 12:50 point):

Anyway, if you haven't seen A Good Day To Die Hard yet, but would like some summation of what watching it was like, this game will put you directly in the driver's seat of that sorry experience. For those who did see AGDTDH, but maybe feel like your initial response to the film was a bit harsh, this game will cure you of that directly.