THESE TWO TIPS WILL GUARANTEE YOU A FLAT STOMACH

Those other ads on the Internet are lying – there are two tips needed, not just one.

By Henri Mazza Nov. 08, 2013

A few months back, Slate ran an article where someone clicked through all of those stupid ads about "one weird trick" to get rid of your belly, and it turns out that it’s all bullshit.

WHAAAAA?

This bummed me out a lot, because I have a belly that I would like to get rid of, and following one tip would have been super cool if that had worked.

Devin recently did a post on this blog about how to lose weight as a movie blogger, too, and he talked about his epic success at losing 50 pounds over 16 months. Good job, Devin!

I’ve only lost 4 pounds in the last 6 weeks, but I still feel super qualified to share these two tips for guaranteed success. So welcome to the first edition of our new series - Blatant Hit Bait.

Here are your Two Tips:

1. Stop Eating So Fucking Much

Just because the midnight hour is close at hand doesn't mean you need another snack.

When you eat a lot of food, you are consuming something known as calories. Those calories then become part of your body or something, and they turn into fat. If you have a fat belly, that’s because of those fat cells.

2. Do Some Fucking Exercise

Air Sex is a great way to burn calories, ya know.

Exercise uses energy, and it turns out calories are actually a form of energy. If you use those calories by exercising, then they don’t become fat cells. So get up off of your ass and move around a little bit.

Also, it would help out a lot if you did a shit ton of sit-ups. Sit-ups will build muscle in your stomach, and that muscle will help burn those calories.

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So there you have it – two simple tips that will guarantee you stop being a fat ass.

Unfortunately, eating is super fun and often delicious, and exercise is a pain in the ass that makes you sweat and then your muscles hurt the next day, so most of us don’t do those things. Instead we buy a lot of diet books and we click on stupid links on the Internet, and we should all really stop that bullshit and just start enjoying our lives without worrying about how much we weigh.

After all, these people get to have sex:

So you're going to be totally fine.

Next up in the Blatant Hit Bait Series – one great tip that will help you have more sex! Unless we find a lot of shit to make you feel better about yourself in another way first.