EMPIRE STRIKES BACK Porn Parody To Feature First Screen Appearance Of Lando’s Wife

Lando Calrissian was married. At least he was in the old Expanded Universe, which was thrown into a black hole the minute Star Wars: The Force Awakens happened. But Tendra, his wife, did exist for a while, and that's enough for the people who make porn parodies to include her in the Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back porn parody that is currently being crowdfunded (wtf?). 

Axel Braun, who is the guy behind all of the 'I can't believe you have not been sued into a fine red paste' superhero porn parodies in recent years, is making a very, very faithful porn parody of The Empire Strikes Back. This guy really stretches the meaning of the word 'parody' (and I'm assuming his films stretch a few other things), and he's looking to go to the next potentially actionable level with his Empire parody. 

One of the problems facing any smut creator when using the valuable IP of Lucasfilm to create hardcore pornography is the fact that the Star Wars universe has pretty much no women in it. Sure, there's Leia. And sure, you can get Mon Mothma in there for some MILF action, but that's when you're running out of canonical ladies. This movie has already cast someone to play Toryn Farr, a communications officer at the Rebel Base on Hoth, so you know they're trying very hard to find roles for women. I guess Braun has admitted defeat and will be reaching into the apocryphal Expanded Universe; he has cast Casey Calvert, who is attractive in that extraordinarily generic way that most slick porn stars are. 

I don't run stories about these porn parodies because, frankly, who cares about them. But the press release for this caught my eye because it is officially the weirdest and nerdiest thing I have ever seen happen in regards to one of these porn parodies - bringing in an Expanded Universe character who has only appeared in print. I'm not even sure if she's been in a comic book before. Somehow the live action debut of Lando Calrissian's wife will involve a cumshot.

What makes that amazing is that no one has officially ruled out her existence in the real continuity. There was a Lando miniseries from Marvel, and while I haven't seen her pop up yet there's no reason she couldn't. And if she pops up in a comic or a sanctioned novel she could eventually pop up in one of those A Star Wars Story one-shots. It may not happen, but it could. And it would make Tendra Calrissian the first Star Wars character to make her live action debut while getting boned (literally, we're not talking about how all the characters got boned in the Prequels). 

It's a weird world.