Now You Can Turn Your $850,000 Into The Actual House From THE AMITYVILLE HORROR

Ever wanted to own the house from The Amityville Horror? Got more than three-quarters of a million dollars just sitting around? Well, today's your lucky day: Long Island's most notoriously problematic property is back on the market!

And, y'know, without all the flies and pig-ghosts and dead bodies and such, it doesn't look all that scary. I'd probably live here.

(Side Note: While I'm told that it happened some time ago, I'm only just now learning that someone replaced the property's iconic third-story windows, and it's a legit bummer.)

The listing tells us that this "Stately Center Hall Colonial" on the Amityville River includes 11 bedrooms, 3 full baths, an eat-in kitchen, a formal dining room, a full basement (no word on the unique room that was once located under the stairs), a large boat house (complete with a boat slip!) and almost zero chance that you will be driven mad by evil spirits and compelled to shotgun your entire family to death. All that for just $850,000! It's a goddamn steal.

Incidentally, my wife and I just decided to spend a week in October touring a number of famous horror-related hotspots. Current plans call for us to swing by the Amityville house (don't worry, we'll take our photos from a respectable distance), a number of Lovecraft-centric sites in Rhode Island, the Occult Museum in Monroe, CT (where Annabelle lives), whatever remains of Danvers State Hospital (immortalized in Session 9), a few spots in Salem, and - last, but certainly not least - the front gate of Stephen King's home in Bangor, Maine (we're getting real touristy with this shit). If you can think of anywhere else we oughtta stop along the way, lemme know below!

Oh, and if you're gonna buy the Amityville house, please invite the entire Birth.Movies.Death. staff over for a party. We'd love to get shitfaced there. 

(Photo Credit: MLSLI.com)