Trailer For THE MEG Doesn’t Have Any Shark Punching

I'm gonna take you back in time for a moment: young Jacob Knight is 15, chilling on a Delaware beach, about two joints in and just loving the shit out of Steve Alten's MEG. When you're young, dumb, don't have a driver's license, but know where to score weed, reading books about giant killer sharks while the sun starts to set over a murky Atlantic Ocean is pure bliss. 

Now, I'm 35, probably just as dumb, not quite as stoned (yet still buzzed), and ready for the cinematic speedball that will be The MEG (which, Warner Bros. decided to rename for only God knows what reason). One thing I didn't have when I was 15? Jason Statham, who is probably scarier than any prehistoric shark ever could be. 

Take a look at this SyFy ready nonsense (that apparently still cost $150 mil): 

I'm gonna level with you: this is not the movie I imagined while high and 15 (and it kinda looks like shit). But still, wild horses couldn't drag me away from this one. 

In fact, Shaprio just called me and said he already bought our D-Box tickets, so we'll see you there on August 10th.