THE ETERNALS: Angelina Jolie Is About To Join The MCU

There aren’t that many actors left who haven’t been in a Marvel movie. Okay, considering your cousin probably has acting aspirations, there are probably millions of actors left to go. But you know what I mean. Captain Marvel just came out and almost casually featured the likes of Annette Bening, for goodness sake.

And now it looks like Angelina Jolie, who really doesn’t act all that much, may be entering the cinematic universe as well. According to THR, Jolie is in talks to take a starring role in Chloe Zhao’s The Eternals. They don’t know who she might play, and even if they did, I would have no idea who that character is.

It’s shameful, really, how little I know about The Eternals. For a long time, I thought they were the same as The Inhumans. Why do you even come to this site run by ignorant fools?

Near as I can tell, the Eternals are cosmic badasses who fight other cosmic badasses called the Deviants. One or both of these groups were created by Celestials, which is like Star Lord’s dad, right? I feel like Thanos might be an Eternal or something. 

You know what? Marvel rules, and they will make a movie that explains all this shit to me well enough that I suddenly feel like an expert and can tell my girlfriend what’s going on even though she listened to the exact same exposition I did. I don’t have a girlfriend.

As for Jolie, I’m sure they’ll talk her into it. And I’m sure she’ll be great in the role. Whatever it ends up being, I can’t wait.