Hideous New DVD Covers For Re-Released Movies
New is not always improved. For these fourteen films, re-released on DVD with ill-advised new covers, new is actually pretty ghastly. Drafthouse Films Director Evan Husney and Alamo Drafthouse programmers and BAD contributors Zack Carlson and Lars Nilsen bring this travesty to your attention with fourteen hideous new DVD covers for re-released films.
ALLIGATOR
Dir. Lewis Teague / 1980
This is one of the very, very best post-Jaws animal rage epics, starring the great Robert Forster and the equally incredible Henry Silva. But some overpaid modern mongoloid disguised it as a made-for-cable CGI Sharktopus knock-off. It's like dressing Sophia Loren up as Danny DeVito. (Zack)
THE APARTMENT
Dir. Billy Wilder / 1960
The new cover for Wilder's classic The Apartment is an abomination. (Evan)
BLOOD SHACK
Dir. Ray Dennis Steckler / 1971
Steckler was The Supreme Overbeing of backyard exploitation, and this is the first of several of his movies to get aesthetically abused for their 21st century DVD release. Blood Shack (a.k.a. The Chooper) features a woman being terrorized by a hooded, possibly supernatural figure. What it does NOT feature is a balding junkie goth found asleep in a Jack in the Box bathroom. (Zack)
BODY FEVER
Dir. Ray Dennis Steckler / 1968
Another vicious slap in Steckler's face, this cover instantly transforms his beatnik-noir crime opus into a Lollapalooza piercing booth coupon. (Zack)
CAGED FURY
Dir. Bill Milling / 1990
Even a late-in-the-game women-in-prison sleazer starring Erik Estrada deserves better than this completely unrepresentative, digitally destroyed assault. Not that any of the women on the original 1990 VHS box were in the movie either. But still! (Zack)
CHILDREN OF A LESSER GOD
Dir. Randa Haines / 1986
Omigod I totally LOVE the '80s! Paramount's nostalgia-vampirizing DVD series showcases zany hits like Coming to America, The Naked Gun and...this gut-wrenching, Oscar-winning drama about disability and heartbreak. Slide this on the shelf next to your "Swingin' Seventies" editions of Network and Kramer vs. Kramer! (Zack)
THE DEAD
Dir. John Huston / 1987
This new cover for John Huston's The Dead is just fucking insane. (Evan)
FITZCARRALDO
Dir. Werner Herzog / 1982
The cover for Herzog's Fitzcarraldo cracks me up. Kinski's face? And haha, packaging it as a "cult classic." Hilarious. (Evan)
GETTING STRAIGHT
Dir. Richard Rush / 1970
I hate this photo. This cover's awful enough, but the little "Martini Movies" logo is more than I can handle. Watching this movie is like having Elliot Gould pumped directly into your bloodstream. I love it, but I doubt many people attracted by the notion of a harmless, fun "martini movie" will be able to handle this much Gould. You kind of feel like if you touch this DVD, you'll get Elliot Gould powder all over your fingers, like Cheeto residue. (Lars)
THE GROOVE ROOM a.k.a.TICKLED PINK
Dir. Vernon P. Becker / 1975
Sex is depressing, and I'm the last one to defend a movie about it. But the shameful Jezebel DVD label built a failed empire by using rave-chic modern photos of busty '90s "babes" to covertly pawn off '70s euro-porn. (Thanks to Kristen Ellisor for this one.) (Zack)
POOR PRETTY EDDIE
Dir. Richard Robinson / 1975
This incredible rural exploitation epic was the best thing to hit drive-in screens in 1975, but is wildly short-sold by this monumentally inaccurate cover. What a gigantic reeking pile of goddamn bullshit. (Zack)
REPULSION
Dir. Roman Polanski / 1965
The bargain bin cover art for Polanski's Repulsion is just classic shit. (Evan)
SPASMO
Dir. Umberto Lenzi / 1974
I hate this "hot chick with a gun + hot mannequin with an attitude" cover for Umberto Lenzi's psychotic Spasmo but I really love the movie. I actually keep this disc hidden so nobody sees it on my shelf and thinks it's a Rob Zombie movie. (Lars)
WEREWOLF WOMAN
Dir. Rino Di Silvestro / 1976
As you may remember, Italy turned against us in World War II. So we got our sweet revenge by photoshopping this blonde-haired personal flotation device onto the US release cover of their lupine exploitation classic. If you think the new design is even 1/10th as raging as the original, please lay down immediately and go to sleep forever. (Zack)
If you have any more to add to the list, pile 'em on in the comments. We might just do a Volume II.
