The CASABLANCA Test
At some point, I recall reading an interview (or somesuch thing) with Quentin Tarantino, wherein the director was asked about how well his, shall we say, enthusiasm for film tended to mesh with his romantic life. Was there a litmus test for determining a good mate via film? Tarantino's response was something to the effect of, "When I first start dating a girl, I show her Rio Bravo...and she better fucking like it."
While I don't necessarily approach the concept with the same thinly-veiled aggression that Tarantino seems to (...what happens if she doesn't like it?!), I do think there's a nugget of truth in the idea: naturally, we're all going to gravitate towards a mate whose interests mirror our own, and if you're nursing a lifelong interest in film, that probably means there are movies you'll want your prospective mate to be on the same wavelength about. It might not be a dealbreaker to find out your date hates/loves that one movie you've taken a blood oath to disparage/champion, but...well, speaking as a film geek, I'd find it terribly difficult to get too serious about anyone who, say, didn't laugh during The Jerk. Whatever horrors might dwell in the soul of such a person, they would not be mine to discover.
There is one movie, however, that comes very close to being a "dealbreaker" film for me in terms of establishing a relationship status: Michael Curtiz' Casablanca. Winner of the 1943 Academy Award for Best Picture, spawn of a million parodies and ill-advised imitators (did you know Barb Wire is based on Casablanca? Because I didn't, I just found out, and that shit blew my mind), perennial favorite on every top-100-of-all-time list you can think of, and one of the most flat-out romantic stories ever committed to film, Casablanca still casts an enormous shadow over the cinematic landscape. Its likability is off the charts, its importance is undeniable. Over the years, it became my go-to, third-date, "let's stay in and watch a movie!" movie.
For one thing, an appreciation for Casablanca tends to indicate an appreciation for the classics. If you're not even interested in watching one of the most critically lauded (Roger Ebert once famously said he'd "never even heard of a negative review of Casablanca") and universally beloved films ever made, well, I'm concerned about your cultural priorities, particularly as they relate to film. Being curious about film history, having the patience to watch "a black-and-white movie" (and having the ability to say "a black-and-white movie" without making a face like you just passed an open sewer grate), wanting to be familiar with great works of art - those are definitely things to be concerned with.
For another, enjoying Casablanca probably means you're a romantic at heart. The entire film's about the nobility of sacrifice and the pain it's often accompanied by. Who hasn't met someone by pure chance, become enamored with them overnight, and found themselves willing to risk everything to keep that feeling alive? Who hasn't experienced heartbreak like Rick's at that Parisian train station, or found themselves in the same unenviable position Ilsa found herself in on that tarmac? Better question: who could watch Casablanca and not respond to these universal moments of elation and heartache? Not to be judge-y, but, from where I'm standing, you'd probably have to be a monster.
Casablanca's sexy, too, and recognizing that sexiness is also part of what we might call "The Casablanca Test." It's not an explicit, modern kind of sexiness, obviously, but it's unquestionably there: the smoky rooms, the boozy nights; Bogart looking dapper as all hell in that white tuxedo, Bergman -shown again and again in dreamy, soft lighting - stopping him dead in his tracks, looking up at him with those amazing eyes. At the time Casablanca was made, Curtiz couldn't even show these two in a bedroom together, but you watch the film and you see sparks flying every time they share a scene. The tension's straight-up palpable, son! And if you aren't feeling it, well, you probably think Laszlo's an animal in the sack.
Again, failure to pass The Casablanca Test would never have been reason enough for me to back down from a potential relationship -surely there are bigger fish to fry when picking a life partner - but I will say this: if memory serves, The Casablanca Test ultimately proved right 100% of the time. Prior to getting married (of course she's a fan), I don't recall any relationships lasting longer than a few months with any woman who wasn't buying what Casablanca was selling: a strong aversion to B&W movies tended to indicate an abiding passion for big, loud, dumb movies, while the ability to shrug off the film's romantic goings-on generally indicated someone with a pronounced disinterest in adventure, spontaneity and/or romance itself. These results are deeply un-scientific, of course, and entirely subjective. They may have even been entirely coincidental! But they were never wrong.
I suspect most film geeks have their own Casablanca Test (I can imagine a large chunk of the film geek population having a Star Wars Test, for instance, or a Heathers test...which, it should be noted, I would also fully endorse), and if I'm right, I'd be curious to hear some of yours. Oh, and PS: the Casablanca Steelbook Blu-ray (linked below) is worth the price for Roger Ebert's commentary alone. An absolute must-listen.
