Riding The Mustache: CANNONBALL RUN II
(I haven’t seen Cannonball Run, but it’s not available to rent online. So Cannonball Run II it is! Consider this both a Riding the Mustache entry and Sequels in the Dark entry as well.)
I have seen a good Burt Reynolds car movie, and a bad Burt Reynolds car movie. Now I have also seen Cannonball Run II, and really have no idea where it belongs on the spectrum as it features cars and Burt Reynolds (and was directed by Hal Needham), yet isn’t really defined by either. All I can tell you for sure is that it is stupid on a massive level. I also enjoyed it a lot. It’s worth a look if only for the brilliant teaming of Richard Kiel and Jackie Chan it offers. Sometimes dreams do come true, you guys.
Cannonball Run II belongs to a sub-genre so specific I’m not sure it even has a name. It’s basically structured around a bunch of different pairs of people as they participate in a long race (well, mostly get ready for a race) for a one million dollar prize. You have Burt Reynolds and Dom Deluise (who end up teaming up and making out with Shirley MacLaine and Merilu Henner), Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr., the aforementioned Jackie Chan and Richard Kiel, as well as Susan Anton and Catherine Bach. But that’s not all! In fact, there are so many goddamn actors in this film that they list about a dozen of them in the opening credits before even getting to a “Starring - In Alphabetical Order” card, which goes for about five minutes before being replaced by “Co-starring - In Alphabetical Order” card. I didn’t even get to Tony Danza and his slap-happy orangutan.
With all those actors involved, Cannonball Run II essentially works as a series of rotating sketches. Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr. will have an episode, and when it ends, we jump right into something with Burt Reynolds and Dom Deluise or any of about a thousand characters. And like a series of sketches, there are ups and downs amid a constant promise of possible success. If you don’t like one bit, just wait a while.
Of course, you have to be attuned to Cannonball Run II’s mode of comedy, which rarely strays from Waka! Waka! Waka! shenanigans. This is a film filled with Troma-level sound effect gags, every member of a gangster cadre’s last name is a type of pasta, and, well, Dom DeLuise. If you can handle laughing at Charles Nelson Reilly, you can hang with this movie. I found it amusing but only laughed out loud at the orangutan. I’m cultured like that.
The actual Cannonball Run is a pretty low priority. I don’t know if the first movie was like that as well, but here the race doesn’t even start until about forty-five minutes in. Once it gets going, it constantly stops for comedy plot business. In fact, most of the race happens in the last five minutes, aided by animated cutaways showing the gang’s path across entire states. As for the races rules, they must have been explained in the first film. For someone reason, everyone needs to be dressed in costumes. I’m big into sexual roleplaying, so I just went with it.
At the end of the day, I’m not sure how anyone could be totally dissatisfied with a movie where a pair like Tim Conway and Don Knotts can and do randomly show up for no reason at the drop of a hat. I also, don’t understand how anyone could get tired of watching Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise make each other giggle for minutes on end (that is basically all they do). If nothing else, I liked Cannonball Run II enough to buy the first one if I ever see it used.
Best Burt line: No single line stands out, but I like this exchange:
CHP Officer: What are you boys trying to pull?
J.J. McClure: There's been a nuclear meltdown and we're transporting some contaminated materials to Connecticut.
CHP Officer: Well, why Connecticut?
J.J. McClure: They ran out.
